Reality Check

First off, I would like to apologize to those few who want to read my thoughts here on the internet (though I do not know why you would want to...get off your computer and go outside or at least do something productive.)

I have found myself in a new world and have yet to catch my bearings here in the chaos around me to find time to write. I find myself either caught up in work, stress and mess around me to find time to be still and reflect. The time I do find is spent wishing I could just have a bit more sleep (I find myself sleeping less and less these days.)

Perhaps another reason that I have put off writing and most likely the better reason is that I am comfortable in my repression of things. I fear that if I were to relive all the experiences and emotions that have become a part of my new life here, I would break--for writing to me is much more than putting words on a page (or a screen). I do not feel my self anymore. I am being shaped, carved, broken and reformed into something new. I am lost in a world with different rules and do not know what to do or who to be here. I do not know what church is supposed to be or look like anymore. I have been swept of the chaos of real life and it will take me some time to drudge through all the words swarming in my head waiting to be written. (Sorry Allison, you'll just have to wait some more.)